A Crushing Disappointment
I think this essay has been ruminating in me for a long time and it makes me immensely sad to write it. I have traveled to twenty countries, lived in four cities, spent twenty plus years in Canada and am currently residing in Oregon. I finally feel like I’ve accumulated enough experiential data, seen enough of the world, met enough people and experienced enough culture to honestly and rationally write this story with some detachment. My desire to be free of bias in life can be obsessive at times and as a result, I don’t make statements lightly nor jump to conclusions easily. It’s a little heartbreaking to say that the results of my personal foray into feminism across the globe have been incredibly disappointing. We as women need to do so much more to raise our children to be respectful of others, cultures and viewpoints. Shaping the future and real change starts with us.
Deep breath…this feel more like a doctoral thesis than my own personal narrative and life observations. I have no idea how to weave a compelling story about all that I’ve seen other than to tell the truth with the platform that I have. For me that entails experiences, concrete data and blunt observations. Tact isn’t always my strength but honesty is.
In the last couple of years our family has traveled to Vietnam, others regions of the US and most recently to New Zealand. I will speak in this essay mostly about my specific experiences in Canada and the US, but I’m fully aware that there is a distinct divide among women all over the globe. Poverty, misogyny, and racial bias distinctly hit women of color (WOC) harder than white women, and one country is no better than the other. The pursuit of equity and racial/gender based justice is a shiny, yellow beacon to women like me. We should be ferocious in our tenacity to provide good outcomes for our sisters, daughters, mothers, cousins, nieces and future generations. Women from all walks of life need to educate our children, families and friends to respect the beautiful diversity of the human species. Equity begins here.
A common theme that recurs in my life is the sincerity with which I identify with women across the globe. Somehow, I’ve been blessed with the gift of empathy. The simple desire of women to provide the best for her children and the care with which they raise them has a palpable quality to it. You can almost hear the wishes of mothers everywhere like whispers in the wind or intentions sent out into a universe. From wealthy white Americans to marginalized Indigenous cultures the hope is the same. A better life. Hope for an equitable better life.
I take humans on a case by case basis. Stereotypes exist for a reason but despite them, human excellence is found all over the globe. Our humanity shines in our smiles, our curiosity, our greetings and our collective contributions to the library of knowledge. I’ve met both liberal and conservatives over the years who’ve taught me to look deeper for the nuances in life. There is a vast grey area where we overlap and are able to find common ground. Unfortunately, I find they are the exception and not the rule.
Misogyny and racial bias are intricately intertwined particularly for women of color. The backwards attitudes and blatant white privilege I’ve witnessed and been exposed to in America are what crush me the most because I embraced this country with open arms and chose to have my children here. It’s taken me forty-five years to be able to say that and it hurts more than I can express.
People aren’t ready to acknowledge their own biases. The same racism/sexism that I’ve experienced in Canada, exists in the US. It exists in Europe, it exists in Australia, it exists all over the world. The proportions may be a little askew, the governments more/less transparent but across the globe it is my view that women of color really are second class citizens.
It’s taken me a long time to rewire my brain. I’ve posted several times about being culturally conditioned to fulfill the needs of others. Being first wave immigrants in Vancouver, Canada forced me to adapt to the culture around me and not vice versa. As a result, I readily see from a westernized point of view, just as easily as an I see from an immigrant’s or marginalized woman’s. I feel comfortable with many hats, even the white male lens which I’ve had the opportunity to observe more times than I can count. History is written from this lens, I was taught to aspire to this lens, to achieve success through this lens, I was told to adapt and define my sexuality through this lens. The converse is not true in any country I’ve ever traveled to. It appears to be extremely difficult for white people, the world over, to put themselves in the shoes of WOC or people of color (POC).
I currently live in Portland, on and off for sixteen years now. It reminds me a lot of the Vancouver I knew growing up. The city is having cultural identity crisis because of the browning of America but the Portland and the US have a twist. Racism is so much more entrenched here than I’ve experienced anywhere else. This is quite curious to me. I’m aware of Oregon’s racist roots, as well as a resurgence of white supremacy heavily influenced by the christian right under the current administration. Oregon has had an increase in hate crimes over a four year period much to the chagrin of my liberal bleeding heart.
It is not just angry incel white men at fault. It is often their sisters, wives (Yes, I believe you can be a married incel/misogynist) and mothers hiding behind white supremacy and misogyny as a means of control. Since tact isn’t my forte, let me hammer my point home again. It is the responsibility of all women (all people) to educate their children, families and communities about the human worth of others, particularly WOC.
White women will identify with men that commit hate crimes before they stand beside or for women of color let alone their own kin. The patriarchy is alive and well in Oregon, across the globe and the women here fully support it. Let’s take a peak at some general statistics.
- 27 percent of female Oregonians have been raped, compared to 18 percent of women and girls nationally. Native American women face the highest rates of attack.
- Oregon women face the highest rates of depression (33 percent) and heavy drinking (9 percent) in the nation.
- More than one-third of female Oregonians of color live in poverty.
- 17 percent of transgender Oregonians live on less than $10,000 per year.
- Hispanic women in Oregon earn $0.53 per dollar earned by all men; this number doesn’t include undocumented workers, who earn far less.
- Oregon’s gender wealth gap is one of the largest in the country. — Oregon
These numbers say a lot, particularly about women, violence, race and poverty. That’s been my experience throughout many cultures. Misogyny, racism and violence seem to go hand in hand. They are almost interchangeable. Entitlement, taking up space and marginalizing others is taught and accepted by society. Across the globe there is a colonial mindset that needs to be broken. This mindset enables family members to dehumanize others, it is taught to daughters and sons and perpetuated through communities. White skin, Christian white skin deserve a faster police response, deserves justice and equity, deserves better health care, education and better outcomes. White people and white women define my worth. There exists across the globe a structurally created pecking order of human value. This mindset rationalizes the dehumanization of people across the globe and gaslights WOC in the process. Sometimes women of color enable it themselves as they aspire to reach the top of the food chain. They trample anything in order to reach the apex of the fantasy of false equality and have no trouble stepping on their own kind to reach their goals.
It takes years to undo and generations to unlearn these behaviors. Blinders are not an option for the future our children need. I’m not generally an eye for an eye kind of girl, believing that vengeance does blind us all. I’d much rather persuade people with logic and reasoning. While I’m not sure I can love my enemy, I realize it is in everyone’s best interest for us to coexist peacefully. That’s not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength to see people for who they are, chose to accept their shortcomings and recognize each of us as having the same inalienable rights as I do.
I’ve always been a staunch proponent of separation of church and state. The reason I make this point is that, at least in America and I suspect across the globe, Christianity is being weaponized to promote racism and misogyny. Who better to scapegoat than marginalized WOC.
Religion has no business in our public lives and certainly has no business legislating in the name of god. Governing a diverse people requires, logic, reason and putting the best interests of the populace first. Dominance and fear mongering are not a long term strategy for governance. Ask any WOC who has experienced racism how effective this strategy has been. Feminism is a word for the lip service that has become status quo. Allies exist assuredly, but real equity will only come with internalized structural change.
Here’s a little thought experiment for the world. Imagine someone like me, brown skinned with a name like ‘Binder’ (which could easily have terrorist roots of course), was in advisory position to the 44th president. What if I had the audacity of scapegoating christian whites because of their belief that the world was created in six days. I’d never get away with anything like that without threats to my person and family. That scenario wouldn’t happen of course because WOC do not have a strong presence in government and I do not seek to belittle, or dominate others. It is not in anyone’s best interest for me to do this because as a women of color I know the importance of seeing other women just as I see my daughter. To look upon the down trodden and those in need with compassion. There are so called feminists all over the world who have failed women of color, whose rights that I resoundingly support, whose children I would do anything to protect, whose right to worship in the privacy of their own home I would publicly endorse…whose right to exist in peace and prosperity I wholeheartedly wish. The world needs more of us to be able to step into each other’s shoes. It’s something we are sorely lacking as human beings.
I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. — Voltaire
The cornerstone of any functional republic is an educated populace. To combat ignorance, education is the key. Evolution created a plethora of genetic diversity to express the gambit of political views that exist in the world and throughout history. This diversity is vital to our survival just as it is required by every species across the globe. The celebration of incompetence, ignorance, and the lowest common denominator are not to be tolerated much less lauded. That kind of stupidity is the real threat to democracy and civil liberties. Vicious cycles are perpetuated ad nauseam throughout time as a result. Imagine if we broke that cycle and started to educate our communities about the human worth of WOC and how building up others raises us all.
Misogyny and racism are like a cancer. You can’t cut it out fast enough and it spreads like a plague. The willful ignorance, cowardice and deep rooted self loathing that prompts women to ignore the plight of others is insidious and hides under the guise of smiles, lies, retweeted quotes and false support. This ensures divisiveness and is a rot that devours a country from within. The thin veneer of civilization is indeed just that. I for one would like to see women and men create something much more tangible and robust for our children. To women across the globe, I hope your moral compass and collective conscience prompts you to act in the best interests of future generations. Education and healthcare would be a simple, fantastic start.
Most importantly even if you despise what I’ve written, you would civilly and powerfully defend my right to publish it. I hope more than anything for public discourse where common sense, judicious actions and just words dominate our country for the sake of all of our children. I chose to be forever the naive optimist and feminist.
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Go forth break bread: Our school district closed early for spring break and it’s snowing in March!!! I love my crock pot: Delicious Borscht
