Late bloomers, Flow and the Beast
I’ve been a distance runner most of my life. Trail running is a moving meditation for me. Solitude amidst mountains, green and water. If there is a god, she can be found here. My breath, the cold air in my lungs, silence. Nature is my emotional affair. The perfect lover who always delivers. Here, I find my flow. Alas, even the most passionate love affairs end and evolve. Unfortunately, humans age. Bodies wear and tear, knees, tendons and aging have to be considered.
Sport is a very important part of my life. A lifestyle choice and necessity for me. I’ve always been curious and love trying knew things. If there is a class that is moderately affordable, whether it be barre, yoga, kickboxing, I’ll try it. I draw the line at Zumba but admit to a stint of twerking. In my early thirties I picked up kickboxing. It opened up the world of Martial arts to me.
Just as in yoga, meditation, running, problem solving and data analysis, I can find flow in kickboxing. It challenges me in ways I didn’t think were possible. I’ve uncovered a lot of my own weakness and strengths. I tend to be more lumbering and not as quick as a smaller opponent. Age has provided me with a good dose of humility as well. My body is much slower now than it was at twenty. I’ve also learned never to underestimate someone smaller or unassuming. Some people really do walk softly and carry a big stick. I’ve developed a deep respect for the people that I train with. We build each other up, cheer each other on and push each other to be better.
One woman in particular has become a lifelong friend. She’s my rabbit. I chase her in all things. Doing sprints, lifting, speed punches, you name it, I chase. Let’s call her ‘the Beast’. We’ve been training together for three years and have become dear friends for the last two. I’m physically no slouch but I must have twenty pounds on this women and she is to date, one of the strongest competitors I’ve ever seen. A mild, soft personality with a wicked sense of humor and a boundless sensitivity to the human condition. She’s a joy to be around. If I believed in past lives or soul ties I’d confidently state that we were either lovers or family members.
On a whim, the Beast convinced me to try Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ). I was very hesitant, imagining myself injured or flailing in hilarity. Embarrassment is a pretty comfortable state of affairs for me as I have no filter. I also bounce back for the same reasons. It was my initial impression that sarcasm, witty repartee and laughing have no place in Mixed Martial Arts (MMA). You don’t laugh in BJJ. You intimidate the shit out of each other with your badassery. Plus there is my age and really, am I going to be doing this at fifty? I’ve since learned that its a sport that better suits the young because it takes a long time to learn and mastery requires consistent practice. I tried it anyway. I. LOVE. IT. I’m not a regular per se, more of a weekend warrior, having rolled only with four people. Children take up my evenings and weekends. Family dinners and touching base are essential for our family to connect as a unit. So my fantasy of conquering the UFC at this age is a pipe dream.
I regularly come home with bruises, have been choked out and humbled and challenged in ways I didn’t think were possible. You develop a lifelong appreciation for the artistic component that martial arts presents. There is a brutality to it and a beauty in watching people compete. A dedication to excellence that is a testament to the endurance of the human spirit. Every shitty/awesome marital arts movie from ‘The Karate kid”, to “Enter the Dragon” demonstrates our fascination with the age old both customs, traditions and people who embody a warrior’s spirit. You truly do learn to fight so you never have to. There are thousands of articles on the internet about growth mindsets. Mixed Martial Arts can be a unique blend of spirituality and sport. Whether its intellectual stimulus or physical challenges, I’ve learned that the pursuit of knowledge in any form is essential to stay youthful.
Many people have experienced flow. It has a mildly addictive quality to it. Your best self, unites physically, mental and emotionally to help you achieve things you never thought you could. Push through and smash every limitation you had previously set for yourself. There is a euphoria to it that is akin to really great sex. Surrounding yourself with people who want nothing but that for themselves and others is a thing to be honored. The beast and my favorite coach do this for me. Most of the people who come to learn with an open mind and heart have similar mindsets.
Aggression is not a trait encouraged in women. It took me several months to not apologize to my sparring partner for hitting too hard, accidentally giving her a black eye while rolling, or trying to use my size to get her to submit. Physical boundaries and mutual respect are of the utmost importance in relationships like this. Consider how close you’d have to be with someone to tap in submission while your head is firmly wedged in their crotch. You learn to anticipate your opponent. You develop a rapport with trainers who take whatever you throw at them. In a field that is dominated by men, I’ve been fortunate enough to build lifelong friendships, found best friends and camaraderie from all walks of life, men, and women, young and old. The oldest women I witnessed taking a boxing class was sixty-four with grand kids. I hope I’m able to age just like that.
I’ve been witness to and experienced my fair share of toxic masculinity. The men that I’ve encountered in my classes and my coaches have held space for me and been like a second home. If you’re a late bloomer who wants to try a new sport, by all means give it a shot. It might open a whole world of possibilities for you. I was surprised at how warm, open, and welcoming all my coaches have been. They’ve been there for me through some hard times with silent acknowledgement, a smile and much kindness. I’d open my home to these people, wish them well through whatever endeavors and paths they chose throughout life. Laughter does indeed exist in BJJ. A celebration of wins, losses and lifelong learning. Laughter and badassery. I’m eternally grateful for their daily reminders of mutual support in a world that seems to be regressing with its attitudes towards women.
